It's only day 1, not that I plan on counting... but I don't feel, I feel wasted, I don't want to do anything knowing I'm not able to cuddle up in his arms in the night, breathe in that warm scent that I LOVE and look into the eyes of a soulmate.
I know I have to change myself, and the faster I become happy and focussed, the faster he and I will work, and I will be a good girlfriend to him.
My biggest fear, is that he'll find someone else, but I guess even if he does, he deserves to be happy and be with the very best person ever, I accept that.
I regret so much, I have never regretted so much.
Make sure whatever you do, and whoever you're around, you appreciate them, never take someone or something you love for granted.
I remember everything about us. I have no appetite, the feeling of hunger is somewhat comforting
Singing has become a favourite thing of mine
I took down the photos, and the letters, because that was only going to make me feel like you were coming back, but theres no guarantee of that. I can still smell you on my pillow, and I don't want to sleep with it in case it starts to smell like me. I want to feel you around me every day of my life. I wish we could work things out together, whilst being together. But I know we have to go through it I guess.. otherwise we'll fight, and hurt each other, and jeopardise something we might have in the future that could be even better than what we had. I cant imagine something being that good, so its hard to imagine us any different you know? But maybe that will come with time...
Hearing your voice made me cry, I didn't think it would
I am so so ssooooo happy that you're not just bad, and that you're good
It somewhat makes me feel like maybe that means I'm not right for you, but at the end of the day, if it's who you are, I love it, and I'll stick up for it, and hope the very best for it
I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling other than.. completely crushed.
I hate myself, for all that I have done, yet I'm trying to learn how to love myself and accept myself, so I can really change myself in the way that I want to.
I don't want to be in bed one day, when I'm old and death seems near, and feel like I didn't give you my all and that the love of my life 'got away'. It sounds cliche, but isn't it? Everyone loves cliche, I remember he told me that, and that nothing is wrong with cliche. Not that I'm trying to make it cliche, but this is how I feel.
Some parts of the day I feel good, I feel like this is the right decision, I feel okay being by myself and okay with us not being with each other. And then theres some, most of the day, where I am missing you like fucking crazy and want to die really. I wouldn't actually kill myself over it, but I sure would love to see you.
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