Golden Angel

Marking all the creaking stairs, so not to disrupt them, down to the cold chipped air, her small feet left steaming outlines as she pattered over the wooden floor boards.
A glimmering silver castle, sparkles dazzling, beaming from the torch light that she held in her nervous, crisp hand. The girl brought over a little wooden stool that had been packed at the bottom of the pantry, slowly took one foot onto the hand-painted bed of roses, still holding the base she stepped on the other. The girl formlessly brushed her young, wild hair behind off of her face and behind her ears, licked her doll-like lips quickly and stood up tall. She placed the torch on it's side, facing the nutty scented mystery, took one fluid dash with her dirt-grinding finger tips over the silvery mess, tearing the palace's seam.
Sweet moist air dripped over the girl, her pupils widened and a smile sprawled across her puffy rosie cheeks. She held one of the golden jewels above her mouth, allowing the dripping honey to melt on her hot tongue before sticking the entire gem into the deepness, sticky crumbs like rings on her hands were licked off into the sickly sweet mash she gnawed ferociously in her mouth.
The crispy, honey-soaken baklava sang in it's pride and glory, like a golden angel rubbing on a bed of sticky lilly pedals. And the girl giggled like a child suckling on her guilty fingers late into the night.

They Tell You

They tell you to 'go for what you want and to not stop for anything until you get it', but then they tell you that 'you can't always get what you want', and they tell you to 'never change for another person'. But how can you expect someone to change in the slightest for you if you're not prepared to change yourself? Especially when they tell you to 'practice what you preach'.
They tell you 'the world is your oyster' and then that 'everything happens for a reason'.
They tell you to 'break the rules' but then to 'play the game'. Not to 'care what other people think' but then tell you to eat with a knife and fork.
They say life is about 'happiness' but spend their time in stress and grief, justifying it as 'thats life'.

Life is one big contradiction and it takes a life time to understand the ambiguity of it.. I guess thats 'how the cookie crumbles' right?

Mid Year Resolutions

TO DO

• Quit my job.
• Get a job at a girls clothing store, preferably cotton on body or another young undergarment shop.
• Cook and bake more, fresh, lively foods as well as gorgeous deserts.
• Meditate and prey morning and night to the world, focusing on who I want to become, what I can do to become a better person, how I can make others happy and how I can stop bringing unhappiness to others. To become more aware of my actions, thoughts and emotions. To become more considerate and focussed.
• Hug five people everyday.
• Do at least five things daily so that my boyfriend knows he is appreciated by me
• Read more
• Hang out with my girlfriends more often
• Get creative
• Focus on being myself
• Say what I think
• Lose my laziness 

My Love - I wrote this just the other day and meant to print it off and give it to you today instead

You make me want to cook you churos with hot creamy chocolate dipping sauce, fluffy cupcakes with love hearts all over them and cinnamon brownies and serve them to you in a short silky nighty, in a passion heated bed that we made love in the previous hour

You make me want to pinch onto your cheeks so I don't float right up to the universe and flutter away

You make me want to kiss your chin and run my finger tips down your chest

You make me want to SHOUT! throw my hands up and.. SHOUT! but really :) hehe

You make me unafraid of being myself

You make me want to be nicer to people, to make other people happy

You make me more considerate and kind

You make me want you more than I've ever wanted anything

You make me happy

You make me need you

You tell me how much you love me, how much you love my stomach, yet... my insecurities con me into believing that you don't really, that you'd prefer someone much slimmer, with light hair and a broad smile. I  wonder to myself why you'd have me when your best friend appears to be any guys dream. 

I forget that although I can't stand horror, even if I do have your arm to grab onto, that we're both very brave... and if a horror movie were to come to life I'd be the first out there saving the world, with you right next to me doing the same. I forget that although I don't like to look like other girls, you love that I don't. I forget that although you're into surfing and into a hard core surfing beach babe, I'm the most life-loving, adventure-craving sexy woman who's prepared to take out that board with you and learn!

And I think that you forget that although I like country rock and you don't, we both adore songs of the tropics, guitar strumming bliss, love-filled rapping and crazy dance music that we can grind and slap each other to!

I forget that you're a guy, a sexy, dreamy, cheeky, woman-loving, hard, enduring man!

I forget that I'm a girl, beautiful, luring, teasing, rough, gentle-touched, tight woman!

I think we're perfect for each other

You and me, we're hot, we're connected, we're loving each other and we deserve to believe it, in each other, in ourselves, and in our relationship.

YOU are my man, my guy, my sweat heart, my love

I love you Jade

You keep me coming back!!

We Create Our Reality

If we were to have the technology where we could 'plug ourselves in' to what would be basically a virtual reality, and once in it, not realise it was any different from 'real life', how do we not know, that we have already done that?

People think 'creating' their own world will bring them happiness.

The wise people in our lives would always tell us as young children, "you can't always have it your way" and that being a rule of nature and something people have had to deal with for hundreds of thousands of years. But what if, we can create our own worlds? right now, in this reality?

It's possible, yet hardly anybody in western culture seems to recognise this. 

There is the classic Buddhist view, where everything is 'empty' and we put what we want onto everything. now that is very true, everything but spirits I believe. So no, not everyone may get along, but it is in no ones spirit to call horrid names at another person, or steal from someone else, it is the animal those spirit's have been placed in, and if we are true and aware of ourselves and our own spirit and mind, we can decide how we're going to deal with another person's thoughts, emotions, actions and attitudes and we can chose if we're going to let them ruin our day, if we're going to let the story of life that is continuously going to absolutely pull us apart, or if we go 'it could be worse' or another more positive outlook. 

This view is difficult, and one myself I rebutted against many a time, one I strongly disagreed with or at least wanted to, because I was so stuck in my own ways. But if that is the case, what has upset me is not the world's fault, it is not 'life' I have to blame and turn away from and 'plug' myself into some virtual reality, it is my own fault, and if we believe we are never to change, then being plugged into a virtual reality where our minds rule what happens, is going to be exactly the same.

"What you focus on multiplies" A very potent quote. But if ever in doubt, and thinking that you can't go on, whether by means suicide is the answer, running away, or plugging yourself into a computer to forget your reality, your problems will always be with you, because nothing in the outside world can bring you happiness, sure it can bring you contentment when you have shelter, food and water, but even people who readily have this are not happy, so the key is to find a balance.

Have your shelter, food and water first so you can live, but make life what you want to make it along the way. If the purpose of life is to reproduce and find true happiness, you don't need to search far for happiness, you just need to search deep and embrace your courage to follow yourself down your own rabbit hole, eventually you will find wonderland. 

this couldn't be any more accurate

"The eclipse in your opposite sign suggests you are being led along a path that is not entirely of your own choosing. Your involvement with another individual is restricting your freedom and limiting your choice. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It's fine as long as that's the way you want it all to be. If, though, you are telling yourself that there is no alternative or, worse, if you believe someone else when they tell you that same thing, wake up. Whatever you do, do it out of inspiration not obligation." cainer

What My Brothers, Mothers, Mother Used To Say

It's true what my grandmother used to say, what my mother used to say and what my brother used to say.
You don't need friends, not really. You need family, and if you can be friends with your family, thats even better because it's only then that you can trust your friends, when you know that you're bonded by family to hold your word, be honest to each other and loyal. Even when there are fights within families, at the end of the day, (most of us) our family will always come back and help what they can in any situation, provide support and don't hold on to grudges. As much as I say in my angry states, and I'm sure I will again, that once I'm out of home I'll be long gone and never see my parents faces for years and years, I know thats not true. I know I wont see them for maybe 2-3 months max, but I will keep in contact, because they're family. and family sticks together.

So you don't really need friends, not really.