It's difficult to accept it.
It's hard and painful, thinking that someone else can give you such pleasure, but I guess that's just human nature.
I love myself I really do, but how am I supposed to not let her get to me.
To me she's not attractive, yet I know she's a threat.
and its like, when I walk into a room of girls, I instantly know which ones are a threat and which aren't almost instantaneously. I don't even have to really look at them to know, I just, can feel them.
I mean, any girl can be the hottest one in her group of friends, put aside what people find aesthetically attractive, some girls can be the most beautiful ones, yet if they sit there in the corner, with their beautiful smile tucked away, not asking to be touched, people don't want to touch them. Sure they notice them, but they're not really given much second thought to.
And then there is the girl who, blows you away, stops conversation, and it's not what she's wearing, but how she wears it, not what she says, but how she says it.
Two girls could say the same thing, but say it so differently. A hot voice isn't dictated entirely to the voice itself. If a girl with a high pitched voice exclaimed that she did no math or science subjects, we would instantly think she was unintelligent and easy, but that's only on a superficial scale. However if she said casually in her high pitched voice, "Yeah, I don't do any math or science subjects." We would think she's a girl who happens to have a high pitched voice, who yet is intelligent, yet confident that math and sciences aren't her ideal subjects.
If a girl with a 'funny' voice, the kind that on a superficial level we think has problems or is weird or, just not the kind of voice we hear in the media or with most people, if she says the same thing, we instantly thing in an excitable tone, we'd think she's covering up her feelings by being abruptly excited, not stupid like the high-pitched-girl's tone.
I'm going on a tangent... my thoughts are lapsing over each other, questioning, what is it that makes a girl with a 'funny' voice, be seen differently from a girl with a high pitched voice.
It's like it's not even the tone they say it in, it's not what they say either, it's... how they see themselves when they say it.
If girl A - high-pitched-girl, thought she was stupid and wasn't taking pride in it, we'd see her as depressing and, sad I guess.
Or is that just my view of how I would be if I didn't think I was stupid and didn't take pride in it?
If girl B - 'funny' voice girl, thought she was stupid and wasn't taking pride in it, we'd think the same thing.
However, if girl A thought she was really intelligent....
I'm not sure that I'm onto anything. But my rattling thoughts must indicate that it's all entwined. Perhaps it's a combination of girls image of herself when she says and does something, how she says it, what she says, and what she looks like.
We perceive people how we want to perceive them really. On an aesthetic level anyway.
It has to just be on an aesthetic level, because how would I instantly know who is a threat and who isn't.
That has to be their energy and energy alone.
I guess the details are a combination of everything. But basic attractiveness, is mostly the vibes people give off.
Perhaps it's biological, but it seems like more than that... it doesn't seem like something that has been brought down through generations, it feels like something that is within everyone, and everything, regardless of our biology.
It's too late to continue this thoughtful passages... I'm going to be running in dark circles tomorrow with exhaustion.
