some venting. cheers.

 argh. my mother complained about how much these special mushrooms cost right, for this dish that i wanted her to make because there is only like 100 calories in it. and she puts fucking oyster sauce in it. OYSTER SAUCE! and then said 'oh you didn't tell me not to put it in' when I DID. Me, her daughter, who she knows loves animals more than anything else in the world, knows i get fucking angry about food if something goes wrong and whose life purpose it is to help animals, why the hell would you put oyster sauce in. and she doesn't even say sorry. and then im like, WHY DONT YOU EVER SAY SORRY FOR ANYTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE!? I ALWAYS have to say sorry over little shitty things and she never does when she can clearly see that shes upset me and shes like 'would that make a difference?' arrgghh. and now i have no fucking dinner. fuck I hate living at home more than anything. except people killing animals..

so, i sound like a spoiled bitch right? Well it just fucking shits me when something SO OBVIOUS could have been avoided. like, did she think that losing weight meant more to me than helping animals? did she think that i wanted this dish so fucking desperately that i was willing to eat a sauce I REFUSE to eat every time we go out to an asian restaurant and i always ask them to use a different sauce and have told her in the past sooo many times that i hate fish and will not eat oyster sauce. and she wont even say sorry! i wouldn't have yelled at her for 5 minutes like i did if she had said sorry! 'SORRY' how hard is it to fucking say. and then she's like, do you think i like being yelled at? do you think i enjoy it? NO of course not, im sorry that i yell at you, but FUCK.. WHAT IS GOING THROUGH HER MIND, like... HOW did that even happen, how did she not think about it? 'I just wasn't thinking she said' that was her way of apologising. great, well that makes me feel soo much better that you 'weren't thinking' next time i'll break one of her expensive plates or something and be like 'oh i just wasn't thinking'. 

the worst part is, i have no dinner. and no i will not eat the meal anyway. i know it has oyster sauce in it. I know that an animal was killed- probably inhumanely and it's soul not even recognised when it was being killed, not given a loving, respectful send off from this world to their next, respecting what it is and the spirit it holds, a spirit that could have been their mother in their past lives. 

I do hate that i made her unhappy, she has been cooking for hours, spent a lot of money on the food and here i am complaining. but what else can i do?