Inspirational Fearlessness

The prospect of traveling alone scares the crap out of me. Sure I've had an upper hand and traveled to europe in my growing up, I kind of know what to expect in Thailand, Indonesia, Hong Kong. But I don't really know what is out there. In a sense, me traveling by myself on foreign land is just as much my first time traveling as it is the next person; that is scary.
I always kind of thought I'd be okay traveling by myself. But even now just working, taking the responsibility of  my own banking, transportation and food, that has taken it's toll; already I've found myself stressing about money and I haven't even scampered out from under the roof of my parents.

I'm on my lonesome. There is no back up plan to life, there is no person that is going to hold my hand through the journey and tell me that it's all going to be okay when I'm freaking out about something-or-rather. I have to be my own back up plan, my own hand to hold my other, have my own hawk-like eyes to watch the every move of local men and thieves in the outer regions of the land so my life-rug isn't fanned from under my legs.

I have to say, I am ridiculously, tremendously, trying-not-to-be--indulgently attracted to my ex-boyfriend. He's taking a year off and seeing the world, it's amazing and I am so so happy for him. And with that has come my wild attraction for him. Always wanting what I can't have, loving the daring, inspired by the courageous and fearless. It's terrible, really. But I can't help it. I don't even see him and he turns me on.
In saying that, I am completely okay with being just friends. Truly.

And you know what else? Hormones are crazy little things that make up the majority of the entirety of our body, but even though I want to have sex like crazy, there are so many better opportunities and experiences that are waiting to happen. It can be easy to forget that, to get sucked into the parties and social gatherings you see on social networks, but just forget about it, let it all go. Life isn't happening on the computer, it's not even happening too much at parties (unless you're really really really into parties :P) but it's happening out THERE! Out there in LIFE. Out in the African jungles with the apes and snakes, in the mongolian dust and sand, in the hilly slopes and peaks of South America, with the goats and dogs, in the ocean salt of Greece, the jelly fish and donkeys. Or at least, that is where it is at for me at the moment.