Scared, but easy

yeah, I am scared of things...
I'm scared of the dark, of being alone, of not being attractive to my boyfriend, of the fact that my boyfriends best friend is extremely attractive, probably the funniest girl he knows, smart and is completely subconsciously into him, of not being accepted, to not do as well as I know I can, of deep water, dark water, and heights.
But I am not scared of other things, I'm not scared of

and for a whole minute I was stuck, every time I went to write something that I wasn't scared of, I realised I was in fact scared of it, in some way, on some level.
Yet somehow I continue to continue in life, my instincts seem to be the only thing pushing me forward at this point.

But I am, not scared of love, of dying for loved ones, of not waking up in the morning, of my physiological strength, seduction, cooking, being different, believing in myself, being the sexiest woman alive to my boyfriend, of the fact that I could kick my boy friends extremely attractive, funny, smart and flirty best friend's ass on any level, of not being accepted, of reaching into the unknown.. okay that last one I think everybody is scared of... ;)


I want him to know I'm going to stay with him, that I love and cherish him immensely. I can accept and move on from my bodily ambition to be with a darker male, a bigger male, and...and yeah thats about it. For that is only what my body tells me works best because the genes were suited for my environment; hence I'm still alive. So it is unfortunate on that hand, but no longer am I going to let it bother me. For the world now doesn't so much need what it once did when it comes to survival of the fittest; now we need brains, creativity, adaptation and acceptance. Tribalism although so ingrained, it seems to have been a mere passing fad in history.
Life is about choices. and like money and intuition, I don't need to be taken charge of by my hormones- and for that matter, mind- I can take control of my own choices. Hormones will forever run through me, they are the very essence of my existence, but what I do with my existence is now up to me.

I love and am in love with my blue eyed, blonde haired, fair skinned, thin, muscular, highly intelligent, humorous, caring, accepting, peaceful boyfriend.
No matter if he's Australian, or Irish, English, Italian, or partially Japanese.