Saturday, August 7, 2010

To get off my chest

Go after me for a whole year, send me emails, say nice things to me, come into my cabin at two O'clock in the fucking morning and give me your jumper. Question the relationship I'm in- to me, interrogate me, try and seem like the decent guy that would wait his whole life for me, just so when I finally realise that there is absolutely nothing inside of me that wants any part of you, so when I finally tell you that the messed up little game between us is over, you can make me feel like the indecent one, the one that 'disposes' their friends, the one you lost respect for because I'm such a bad person and made you feel like shit.
Well guess fucking what Ryan, the 'girl of your dreams' gave every emotional part of herself to you, I put up with your bastard like ways because I knew you were a good person deep down, and you fucked me around. you completely ignored me, brushed me off, avoided me even. You wouldn't even say hello to me for sometime. and then just when I meet someone who makes me even more happy then you did, you come around into my life again and beg for me back, you claim that your absence and clear disinterest in our relationship, that went down practically slower than Venice is going, was all because your mum had something wrong with her brain that her own mother died of when she was younger, that 'a lot was going on', and so it was okay to tell some random this, some girl who you once claimed to really dislike and say that you couldn't talk to anyone else about it but her, is a load of fucking shit. Heres an idea, you could have told your girlfriend. oh jee that would have been hard, I mean how on earth would some clingy girl who loves you dearly not be able to handle the fact that you're saddened by your mothers illness.
You fucked me around, and I fell into your crap. I fell into it hard for like three days, I gave you a second fucking chance only to realise that it wasn't right and hoped you could go on with your days, having learnt from your mistakes and most hopefully get over me sooner rather than later. I didn't just walk off when you fell apart on the playground, I stayed there being the decent person I am. I was good to you Ryan, you fucked me around and then couldn't accept the fact that I met someone who was better than you. You were in love with feeding your fucking ego, not our relationship. So fine, send me an email saying 'it's cool' and that you 'kinda lost respect for me' because I 'disregard the feelings of the people around me'. You have one mighty big fucking ego, but good on you, if it's making you that happy, then fine, try and cut down someone you allegedly 'love', if it's working for you, great. I apologised for what I had done, I put my relationship with the greatest person in my life, on the line, and I'm one marvelously lucky person to still have them, but if you cant seem to know that you might have in fact done some things wrong also, then I'm sorry that ignorance is such bliss. I'm so FRIGGEN ecstatic extravacated that this shit is over, and I can finally be with the person I love more than anyone or anything, in complete confidence that I don't want any part of anyone else.

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