I miss my best friend, one of them anyway. I shall call him W in this blog.
We spent so much time together and there wasn't a single thing I kept from him, we were such great friends. I don't spend enough time with him, I don't put enough time aside for him away from my extra- curricular activities, exercise, the school work I do-do, other people in my life, family, doing things I love doing such as baking. I'm not complaining about my life as it is, I just wish there was more time to see him.
I've spent a lot of time with my boyfriend lately, that isn't to say I don't want to, I absolutely love every second I spend with him and don't regret putting him first as naturally I'm going to put him first and as cliche as it sounds, he is the love of my life. I am just saying that I can see W is going to eventually give up on our friendship and wont stick around, I mean its disappointing to think somebody so close would give up or just walk away like that, but I guess it's the way it goes.
I have to reconnect with him.
Everything I go to write about seems pointless.
When you find out that somebodies life is practically on the line, or is on the way to potentially being on the line, even if you weren't close to them or like them or even know them. If they are connected to your life in any way, it really... opens your eyes to how much absolute shit you talk about. To my disappointment I counted calories yesterday. I know, completely and utterly disgusting, for me anyway. Today I find out horrific news, I didn't even know the person that was going through the certain situation but my stomach fell to my gut, it was like... a slap in the face for being so stupid about everything I ever thought or took for advantage, I was counting calories while this person was dealing with a life threat? how pathetic am I! I really felt for the person, I'm sure their situation will clear and they will be completely fine but it was still such a shock, and I was so shocked at the fact that I was shocked.
Had a fantastic talk with my sister tonight. She actually is the only person other than J that understands me, or what I strive for in life rather. How I want to live life.
How are we to get anywhere and experience things when we are stuck in a four-walled society, surrounded by people who have never experienced anything and have never strived for it? people who just listen to their parents or respected friends, coworkers, etc. and tell you that what you want to do is a stupid idea and that one day you will just regret your decisions, how are we to live the life we want?
We have so many fears of what could go wrong, will we be poor? get sick? get killed? lose friends, family? what will my peers think of me? BUT WHAT IF.. you find the job of your dreams that you would never have found if you listened to everyone else? what if you meet the most amazing people with incredible stories of their journeys that open your eyes? what if you experience the very essence of nature? what if you are happy?
Why do we stand in our given position when we are desperately trying to escape, how are we not desperate enough to jump out of that plane into the world?
It is your life, if it made you happy at some time or another, why regret it?
Everything happens for a reason.. but sometimes you need to guide the way. Fate is only the mile stones in your life, but there is never only one choice.
I want to grow up and be able to say to people, that I had no set-in-stone idea of where I was going, how I was going to get by even, but I did everything for my own happiness and I was true to myself. that is what is important.
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