The best-est

19th/4th/10

So today I met my boyfriends best friend; tall, slim, sandy coloured hair, outstanding blue eyes, thick lips, oh and she's a.. 'she'.

All the times I had seen her photos on facebook; her at formals, photos with J, photos in bikinis and shoorrtt skirts, photos of her beaming smile, all the comments I had (since being a girl) read, the times J had spoken about her.

I'm not typically a jealous, possessive person but I would be lying if I said I had never had thoughts about their friendship and why it ever was only a friendship. Of course J and I had spoken, he had explained the fact that she was in fact too.. well whatever, that is beside the point. The point is, even though I was assured, I knew they had never had any past experiences with each other and there was not a single part of me that was suspicious that there ever would be, I still wanted to seem more appealing than her, well it was the physical side I was concerned about. He had spoken about her legs, how she rubs them all over him 'like a bastard' because they were really great, her photos on facebook I mean.. I had seen them myself, she seemed very pretty indeed.

But today I MET this girl, his best friend of three years. naturally I was nervous and didn't exactly want to meet her until I had accomplished my gym goal and was glowing, but then I met her.. and.. I was no longer insecure.

Sure she had thin legs, had brilliant blue eyes and very succulent lips but I didn't like them. I had always like legs with a bit of meat on them, a bit of muscle and not 'thin' as such, regardless of what she looked like.. I knew I was better, well I believed it anyway. I came in confidently and looked her in the eye, I was aware of my body language and made sure I didn't come across nervous or up-myself, I said hello when J and I first approached her. I noticed she passed my glance, when she looked around she skipped my eyes and actually only looked me in the eye twice in the twenty minutes or so we met up. She spoke the whole time, mostly to J, even though her own boyfriend was there also (who might I add seemed slightly uncomfortable- intimidated even, by her boisterousness). She had her ex-boyfriend's student ID cards in her wallet, 'he's the guy from last summer' she would say as J fumbled through her wallet, eventually finding his own card.

I was actually surprised that as soon as I met her, all my insecurities let go; I loved my body the way it was, I loved my face the way it was, I definitely loved my personality more than I did before. and in this context, by love I mean acceptance.

All I needed to do was to meet the girl who had known J for years to realise that I was in fact good enough. I mean, sure I bet she's a great friend and when you get to know her she has a fantastic personality, but I had spent so long thinking that surely at some point she would have been better for him and that I just wasn't right.. but now.. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF! and thats all it took.. was to meet a subconscious 'opposition'.